


Sandy Tides

by origamigoose



Category: Homestuck
Genre: AU, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Beforus, Character Death, Depression, First Kiss, First Love, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, KankrixCronus, M/M, Masturbation, Mentions of Suicide, OOC Aranea, OOC Cronus, OOC Kankri, OOC Porrim, POV Second Person, PorrimxAranea, Resolution, Smut, crokri - Freeform, cronkri - Freeform, reunited
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-11
Updated: 2015-09-26
Packaged: 2018-04-08 19:00:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 16,668
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4316067
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/origamigoose/pseuds/origamigoose
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kankri Vantas is a mutant blood who can read minds and feel others emotions on contact. He loves being on the beach. One day he meets a mysterious stranger with lightning bolt shaped horns, and who insists to go out on a date with him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

      _ **=== > YOUR NAME IS KANKRI VANTAS**_

      In theory, reading people's mind should be fantastic. Although, in practice, it is absolute hell. Ever since you were a grub you’ve been able to read other people's minds, and feel their emotions on contact. It’s made having a kismesis or a matesprit seem impossible.  
      You like to walk by the oceans of Beforus, your moirail Porrim likes to poke fun at you because of this. She believes the only reason you walk by the water side is to maybe catch the eye of a sea dweller. You know she pities you, you aren’t quite sure why yet, but every time she hugs you or accidentally brushes her hand against yours when giving you another unwanted article of clothing… you feel it. Like something’s eating at her, and she feels so sorry for you. Maybe it’s because you’re a candy blood, and she’s a jade blood so there’s no way you’ll reach 30 sweeps. If you’re lucky, 25, but luck never did like you.  
      You plop down at the edge of the water, forcing your grey toes into the sand.  
      _'_ _...such a bright sweater...’_ You look up. No one’s there. You swivel your head around to both sides, no one is there either. You slowly look back down to your lap, and pick at the hem of your newly acquired blue jeans. Porrim did always have something against those leggings of yours.  
      _‘...what’s his name?...’_ You look up again, and still no one is there. Maybe you’ve finally lost it. Maybe your outrageous sense of social justice, and the undignified way you drone on complacently has finally overcome your brain and you don’t just hear other people’s thoughts, but you’re making voices of your own will. Great.  
       You stand up, ready to make your leave, and you look around for your chucks. They aren’t where you left them. What in the world… was there someone here? No there wasn’t, you spot three crabs pulling your shoes and socks toward the water. You rush over there and hastily snatch your shoes back. You huff at them and put the socks inside your shoes, then tuck them under your arm.  
       “Damn crabs. Every time, it’s like they have something against me.” You mutter to yourself. Every time you come to the beach, even just to sit, the crabs attempt to rob you of something. It’s rather annoying. You sigh, maybe you’ll have to find another beach so these crabs will finally leave you alone. Seriously, they’re a nuisance. You begin to walk away when someone clears their throat behind you. Although you were 99 percent sure there was no one on this beach with you, there’s always that small chance you could be wrong. Very small chance.  
       “Hey there, I’m Cronus. What’s your name?” This guy sounds slick as ice. You don’t trust him for a second.  
       “None of your business, sea dweller. What makes you think I’d tell you?” You say. There’s no way you can risk being close to anyone, so why be nice to strangers? It will only draw them nearer. Even if they are handsome sea dwellers with nice hair.  
       “Oh, feisty are we? I like that. Seriously though, what’s your name?” He replies. Douche bag much? Can’t he see that you’re not interested… well, maybe you are, but that’s none of his business.  
       “Okay, my name is,” you pause for dramatic effect. “None of your business.” You smile as though you’ve accomplished something other than being annoying. “Now If you don’t mind I have somewhere to be.” You walk past him and he asks you another question.  
       “Okay. I don’t need your name, that’s fine. Where’d you get your sweater?” You continue walking as he’s speaking, and he begins to walk behind you.  
       “My friend made it. No label.” You say boredly. It is your favorite sweater though, it’s red and comfortable. Also, one of the first things Porrim ever made you. So it has some sentimental value.  
       “Your friend is really good at knitting. That’s a great sweater. The color really suits you.” You try not to blush, you really do. It’s not your fault, it’s just a reaction. The blood vessels in your face opening wider due to embarrassment, causing a rush of blood to your cheeks. Blood that is unnatural, and seemingly unholy. You quickly cover your cheeks so this stranger doesn’t see your abnormal blood.  
       “Hey, whoa, what was that? Are you blushing under those pretty hands?” That only makes you blush more, thank the divine beings that your sweater covers your neck at least. You turn your head away from him, and your hair falls down to block him from view.  
       “I, um… I really have to get going. Goodbye.” With that you hurry off of the beach, he’s calling behind you and you can hear that he’s yelling apologies, and he’s calling you ‘sweater boy’. You don’t stop until you get into your hive.  
       In your hive, you message Porrim.  
       _‘Hey Porrim, I may have ran into some trouble at the beach today.’_  
_‘Oh yeah? Like what?’_  
_‘I ran into a boy named Cronus, or more precisely I think he was trying to flirt with me, and I started blushing. I don’t know if he saw, but it was pretty bad.’_  
_‘This is really bad Kankri. If he reports that, or even tells someone you could be killed. You need to be more careful.’_  
_‘I didn’t mean to, it was just a bodily reaction, he was so nice… but he was also so smooth. Like he knew just what to say. It made me so angry.’_  
_‘Was he a sea dweller?’_  
_‘Yes.’_  
_‘Cronus Ampora put the moves on you? Smooth as a grubs bottom, slick as ice, Cronus F’ing Ampora?’_  
_‘I suppose, why?’_  
_‘I’m surprised. I mean, way to go you, but I didn’t think you were his type.’_  
_‘I try hard not to be anybody’s type.’_  
_‘Yeah, the absolute refusal to have a matesprit or even a kismesis. I’m surprised you even agreed to be my morial.’_  
       The rest of your conversation is vague, and nonchalant. She invites you over a few days from now for new measurements, and so you two can talk about a party she’s going to attend, also so you can comment and critique on the dress she made for aforementioned party.  
       You say your goodbyes and sign out of the Trollian app on your phone, and plug it into the charging port. You undress and climb into your recuperacoon, you fall asleep hoping that Her Imperious Condescension doesn’t find out about your candy blood.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This work is in no way complete yet, when it is complete you will read the words 'THE END'. Also, I will post updates when I can.

      When you wake up in the morning you turn your computer on an open the browser. You look up local beaches, and you find one that looks nice and quiet. One that he hopefully wont be at, because you really don’t want to fend off his flirting antics.  
      You are on your way to the beach when you decide to drop into Porrim's clothing store. _Jade Goes With Everything_ is pretty well known, so you’re not surprised when you walk in and it’s busy.  
       “Kankri! Hey, over here!” Porrim is behind the counter when she spots you.  
       “Hello Porrim. I was just stopping in to say hi.”  
       “Okay, well I want someone to meet you while you’re here.” She looks out behind you and yells ‘Hey, slick’.  
       _‘...he’s going to be so mad...’_ Porrim thinks.  
       “Is this a friend of yours?”  
       “You could say that.” Says a voice from behind me. A shiver runs down my spine as I turn around.  
       _‘...still with that sweater… so bright...’_  
       “Technically you already know his name, he just doesn’t know yours. Cronus, this is Kankri.”  
       “Nice to finally meet you Kankri.” He hold out his hand which you have no intention of taking, until Porrim nudges your back.  
_‘... why can’t Kankri just get along with people…’_ Porrim thinks.  
       “Be polite Kankri, what’s the use of being mean to strangers?” You sigh and hold out your hand. He takes it and squeezes it tight. You feel a rush of emotions that aren’t yours, and you try to sort through them. Curiosity. Lust. Envy. Seclusion.  
       You feel sad for him. Sad enough to actually smile at him, which you would never do to just anyone. When you smile, the pulse in his wrist quickens and he smiles back at you.  
       “It was nice to meet you too, Cronus. If you’ll excuse me, I must be going.”  
       “Where are you going? If you’re going to the beach again, I can walk you there.”  
       “I’m afraid not today.” You let go of his hand and Porrim rings out from behind you.  
       “He’s lying. He goes to the beach every day.” You sigh and look at her.  
       _‘... maybe he’ll finally get a matesprit, or a kismesis, like a normal Troll...’_ Porrim. She’s still thinking about you, and would be in your interests. Only you can’t have anything like that. You can’t just be normal.  
       “Not today. I’m busy today. Now really, I must leave.” You try to walk past him and he puts his hand on your shoulder, you feel desperate all of the sudden, you feel like you’re grasping at a wisp of light in an eternity of darkness.  
       “Do you , maybe, want to go somewhere with me sometime?” He asks.  
       “Like… a date?” He nods and you sigh.  
       “I’ll have to think about it.”  
       “How will I know the answer?”  
       “I’ll come to your beach. I’ll tell you then.” With that you shake off his arm and walk out of the store. You decide it would be best if you didn’t go to the beach, for today at least. Instead, you decide to take a walk around the park a couple of blocks away from your hive. You walk around the big tree in the center and sit on every bench trying to find the most shaded and secluded one. When you find one on the north side of the tree, you sit and tuck your legs under you like a pretzel. You ponder the good outcome and bad outcome this ‘date’ may have.  
       _‘Well,’_ You think. _‘it couldn’t hurt going on this one date I suppose. Just one. But what if I end up actually liking him, I’ll feel even worse. Not just for him, but for me too. I’m already pretty lonely, so I’d only make that worse. He’s also pretty lonely… okay. Just one.’_ With your mind made up you decide to go to the beach.  
       On the way Porrim messages you.  
       _‘So….’_  
 _‘So what?’_ You reply.  
 _‘Are you going to agree on a date?’_  
 _‘I don’t see why I wouldn’t. It’s just a date.’_  
 _‘Yeah, but dating someone could lead to them being your matesprit. And for some reason you are strongly against that.’_  
 _‘Not if it’s only one date. Nothing more.’_  
 _‘Aww, Kankri. That’s no fun.’_  
 _‘It’s not meant to be fun, it’s meant to be tactical.’_  
 _‘What?’_  
 _‘Never mind. I’ll talk to you later.’_  
 _‘Okay. Bye.’_ You put your phone away after her last message, and walk to the edge of the sand. Cronus is sitting similar to how you were yesterday, only further in the water.  
       _‘...I wonder if he’s coming...’_ You hear him think.  
       “Cronus?” His head whips around, and he smiles.  
       “Kankri. Did you decide?”  
       “Yeah. I think so… I agree to go on a date with you. Just one, though.” He jumps up and thrusts his fist into the air.  
       _‘...YesYesYesYesYes...’_ You chuckle, and shake your head. Once Cronus settles down he starts asking a few questions.  
       “Okay, where do you want to go? When do you want to go? Do you want me pick you up from your hive?” Your eyes widen at the bombarding of questions.  
       “We can go wherever, I guess. Whenever is fine, just not this Friday after 6. I have plans with Porrim. My hive is a pretty personal space, so I’ll just meet you here.” Cronus looks ecstatic.  
       “What about Saturday at around 8? And the carnival. Does that sound alright?” You nod your head. You notice that it’s beginning to get dark.  
       “I’d better go. It’s getting dark. I’ve gotta get home.”  
       “Will you be here tomorrow?”  
       “I don’t know, I might. I’ll definitely be at a beach somewhere.” Cronus smiles. You look a bit confused for a moment.  
       “As long as you’re near the ocean I can find you.” That idea scares you a little.  
       “Okay…” You turn and walk to the edge of the sand. Then you stop. “Cronus? I’ve never been on a date before. I’ve never had a matesprit or a kismesis before now, either. I’m putting my trust into you.” You continue to walk off of the beach.  
       At home once again, you kick your shoes off near the end of your recuperacoon, then message Porrim.  
       _‘Okay. I have a date for this Saturday around 8, he and I will be going to the carnival.’_  
 _‘Good job, Kankri. I’m proud of you. When you come over this Friday I’ll put together an outfit for your date while we talk about my party.’_  
 _‘Really, you don’t have to, I have enough clothes I’m sure I can make a suitable outfit.’_  
 _‘Don’t kid yourself, you’ll just end up wearing a pair of jeans and that old sweater. Am I right?’_  
 _‘Maybe.’_  
 _‘Okay. I’ll start the design right now. Talk to you later.’_  
 _‘Bye.’_ You plug your phone in, and you undress then you climb into your recuperacoon. Tomorrow is Thursday.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This work is in no way complete yet, when it is complete you will read the words 'THE END'. Also, I will post updates when I can.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This work is in no way complete yet, when it is complete you will read the words 'THE END'. Also, I will post updates when I can.

      When you wake up in the morning you’ve got two new messages on Trollian.  
       _‘Hey, Kankri. I’ve got a surprise for you. Well not a surprise really, it’s a request. I told Cronus your Trollian handle, would you do me a favor and accept it? Please.’_ This message was from Porrim. You could at least guess as to what the other message was.  
       _‘Morning sweetheart. I can’t wait to see you Saturday.’_ You were correct. This message was from Cronus. You decide to go to the new beach today, the one you had found yesterday but ended up not going to.  
       You walk past Jade Goes With Everything, but the bell rings behind you and Porrim walks out. She put her hands on her hips then clears her throat. You stop then sigh.  
       “Yes, hello Porrim. How are you today?”  
       “I’m faring very well Kankri, I would be better if my moirail didn’t just walk by my shop without stopping in to say hi.”  
       _‘...what’s wrong with him… is he sick...’_  
       “I’m sorry, Porrim. I just didn’t want to run into Cronus this morning. He messaged me, thanks to you, and he was speaking as though I was his matesprit. You know very well that I don’t need that.”  
       “I know, and I’m sorry I gave it to him, but he wouldn’t stop bothering me about it. Once he found out you were my moirail he wouldn’t quit pestering me about getting your Trollian handle. I’m sorry, Kanny.” You sigh.  
       “Porrim, I’m sure I shouldn’t have to inform you of how much I hate that name.” Porrim smiles and nods.  
       “Yeah, I know. I still love it, though. I have a sneaking suspicion that you love it too.” You huff, exasperated.  
       “Porrim.” Your voice takes on a warning tone. She rolls her eyes.  
       “Yeah, yeah. Okay. We’ll talk later. Bye bye, Kanny.” She says as she's walking back inside. You look at the ground and give it a small smile. Truth be told, you do kind of appreciate the name. Well, not the actual name, but the fact that Porrim actually attempted to make you feel comfortable in a quadrant. That was the sweetest part.  
       After you leave you check your phone, you’ve got a message from Cronus.  
       _‘Are you coming to the beach today?’_ You click out of the app. When he messaged you his handle was something obviously over-zealously confident, that you dare not repeat. When you added him as a contact you changed his handle to ‘Pompous Ass’, although you do like him, he can tend to hold himself with an air of importance. It’s not like he doesn’t have a right, he is a violet blood after all. Just one notch down from The Empress.  
       At the beach, you plop down in the sand. You take your shoes and socks off and put them beside you. A little bit off the edge of the beach, two lightning bolt shaped horns emerged from the water. You toss your head back.  
       _‘...there you are...’_  
       “Cronus. I can see your horns. If you’re trying to hide, you’re not doing a very good job of it.” You say just above your normal speaking voice.  
       _‘...fuck...’_  
       “Language.” You say without thinking. It’s like a second nature to correct people when they use curse words. Of course, it’s not like you haven’t let some slip on accident, but you try to refrain as much as possible.  
       “What?” Cronus says. He’s beginning to walk up to the beach now, shaking water from his hair and brushing the remaining water off of his water resistant cloths.  
       “Did Porrim make those?” You ask.  
       “Yeah. She’s a really good designer. Only trouble is, these are the absolute hardest cloths to wash.” Cronus say, and you chuckle. Cronus smiles.  
       _‘...what a pretty smile...’_ You blush. Oh no. Not again. You pull your legs up to your chest and tuck your head between your knees.  
       “Hey, what’s wrong?” Cronus asks.  
       “Nothing.” You say. You know. You’re going to die. He’s going to find out, and he’s going to report you to Her Imperial Condescension. There’s no way to escape this one now, and you know it. You begin to tear up. You didn’t even make it to your ninth sweep. Tears are streaming down your cheeks.  
       “Hey hey hey, Kanny, what’re you ballin for?” You look up at him, and his eye widen a little bit, then they soften.  
       “It’s okay, Kankri.” Cronus puts his hands on your cheeks and wipes away your tears. Tears that are tinted the same awful color as your blood. “It’s okay, Kankri. It’s just a color. A color that really suits you, by the way.” You blush a little bit again, and he smiles. “There we go. No reason to be crying because of something you can’t help.”  
       “Cronus, please don’t report me. I don’t want to die. I’m not ready. Please.”  
       “I’m not going to report you, Kanny. You’re safe with me.” You lean your head into his shoulder, and he hugs you. You pull away after a few minutes and wipe your eyes.  
       “Hey Cronus?”  
       “Yeah?”  
       “Can we go swimming?”  
       “Well, uh, sure. Do you have something to swim in?”  
       “No, but I guess I can just swim in my boxers can’t I?” This time it’s Cronus’ turn to blush.  
       “I don’t see why not.”  
       “Okay then.” You stand up and strip off your red sweater to reveal a white t-shirt underneath, you also take that off. You unbutton your jeans and shed them, showing off your red polka dotted boxers.  
       _‘...Oh my god...’_  
       “Okay, Cronus, I’m going to probably need some help…,” You say. “I’ve never been swimming before.”  
       “Really? This’ll be fun.” Cronus turns his back to you crouches into the white sand, as though he’s expecting you to do something. “Well, you gonna get on chief?” You’re silent for a moment.  
       “On… Your back?” You’re hesitant to climb on his back. You’re scared of what he might be feeling.  
       “Of course on my back. I’m going to bring you out into the water a bit, then I’m going to let you down. It’s not that hard, it’s just water.” You step forward hesitantly and put your arms on his shoulders. Concentration, lust, lust lust, concentration. “Okay, getting there. Move your legs closer to my sides, and lock your fingers together.” You move your legs forward, and intertwine your fingers. Cronus wraps his arms around your legs, then stands up. You squeal and Cronus chuckles. “Okay, chief, into the water.”  
       “Don’t drop me, Cronus.”  
       “I won't, Kanny.” You grumble. You just now notice the nickname, and you wonder if Porrim told him. “Aww, don’t worry chief. You’ll be fine.” Cronus walks into the clear blue water, deep enough for your toes to be just above the water. “Okay, I’m gonna go down a little bit. Just enough to get your feet in the water.” When Cronus begins to kneel you start to climb up his body. Your hands are on the side of his head, and your knees are on his shoulders.  
       _‘...ow, damnit...’_  
       “Language.” You say. Shit. You didn’t mean to correct him. Again.  
       “What was that?”  
       “Uh… nothing.”  
       _‘...can you hear me...’_ He thinks. You obviously ignore that.  
       “Okay, can you at least stop curling around my head? Are you ready to get into the water now?”  
       “I don’t think so, but I guess I can not be all over your head.” You move your legs from Cronus’ shoulders to his sides, and wrap your arms around his chest.  
       _‘...you’re so warm...’_ Although he can’t possibly know of your ‘gift’, he’s talking to you as though you’re listening. You are, of course, but he doesn’t know that.  
       “Okay. Try and put a foot in the water.”  
       “No. I don’t want to.”  
       “Okay, guess I’ll just have to dunk you.” He suddenly drops under the water, and you let go. You flail all of your limbs around in some simalliance of swimming. When you come back up you sneer at Cronus.  
       “Aww, chief. Don’t look so angry.”  
       _‘...you look really good wet...’_  
       “Stop that right now!” You’re blushing, and craning your neck up at him. “Stop that right now, Cronus.”  
       “Ah-ha! I knew it. I knew you could hear me. Ha ha! I am going to tease you so much.” You sneer up at him again and begin to walk toward the shore.  
       “Damn bastard. Playing around with my head. Let alone figuring out about the most horrible aspect about my entire existence, and you chose to tease me about it. You know what Cronus, forget about our date. I’m going home. You are so inconsiderate, I could have drowned. i don’t know how to swim. I could have died. I thought I could trust you, sea dweller. I suppose I was wrong.” While you’re chattering you’ve made it to the beach, and you’re picking up your cloths. Before you know what’s happening Cronus is behind you.  
      “Hey chief, I’m sorry. Really, I’m sorry. Can we please go on Saturday?” He’s hugging you from behind, and you practically growling at him. You shake him off and grab your shoes.  
      “Fine, Cronus. We’ll go. Just… I gotta go.”  
      “Why are you leaving so soon? Where are you going?”  
      “I gotta get some sleep, I’m meeting with… some friends tomorrow.” You pull on your shirt, with your pants slung over your shoulder you pick up your shoes and walk away from him. You stop a couple feet away from him and turn back to face him.  
      “And do not even think about telling Porrim the mind reading thing. I will drop you so fast it won’t even be funny, I don’t care if I have flushed feelings for you, Porrim is my morial but she doesn’t need to know about this.” Cronus is practically making heart eyes.  
      “You have flushed feelings for me?”  
      “No. I didn’t say that. I’m leaving. I’ll see you later.”  
      “I’m pretty sure you did, Kanny.” Cronus says in a teasing.  
      “Do. Not. Mock me, Cronus. I just told you not to tease me.”  
      “Sorry, chief. You’re just so cute when you’re angry.” You sneer, but can’t help blush. Honestly, you’ve never been complimented like this before. Cronus smiles at you.  
      “Okay, chief. Good night. See you soon.”  
      “Good night.” You walk home in your shirt and underwear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This work is in no way complete yet, when it is complete you will read the words 'THE END'. Also, I will post updates when I can.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This work is in no way complete yet, when it is complete you will read the words 'THE END'. Also, I will post updates when I can.

      You wake up to someone beating on your Hive’s door, and a lot of messages from Porrim. When you say a lot, you mean a lot. Starting off with ‘Hey Kankri. Are you ready to see the outfit I made for your date?’ Ending with ‘I don’t know what I’ll do with myself if Her Imperial Bitch Face got you. I love you. Please be okay.’ You want to tear up. You knew that Porrim loved you, why else would she be your morial? You didn’t know she loved you enough to worry this much. You wipe the green slime off of yourself from the recuperacoon, and put a robe on to go check who’s at your door.  
       “Hello?” You suddenly have arms wrapped around you tightly.  
       “Oh my god, Kankri. I thought the Empress had gotten you, I thought you were dead, I thought I’d never see you again.” It’s Porrim, of course.  
       “Hey, it’s okay. I’m okay.” You try to console her. Jade tears are streaming down her face and she was almost hyperventilating. “It’ll be okay. I’m not going anywhere, not for a while anyways.” You try again. Porrim wipes her face and smiles.  
       “Get dressed, Kankri. You’re coming over.” Porrim says after she’s done wiping the green off of her face  
       “Sure.” You walk back to your room and hear her walk in behind you and shut the door.  
       You toss on your red sweater and a pair of black leggings. You didn’t shower when you got back to your Hive last night, you were too preoccupied with your thoughts. So basically you’re covered in salt water and sand.  
       “Hey Porrim, can I use the shower at your place?”  
       “Yeah, sure.”  
       “Thank you.”  
       You and Porrim walk to her hive, which is littered with different type of cloths and fabrics. Today is actually a lot cleaner than usual, since she just finished a project.  
       “Okay, I’m going to go put my dress on that I’ll be wearing to the party, then you can compliment my immense designing capabilities.” You smirk, she knows that she’s very good at what she does, so there’s no need for actual critique.  
       “You said you’ve finished my outfit, that I didn’t ask for. Where is it, if you don’t mind?”  
       “I made it because you needed it. You can’t just wear that drab old sweater I made almost four sweeps ago. Take your shower first, I’ll lay it out when I’m done changing.”  
       “Thank you.”

      As you finish your shower, you wrap a towel around your waist and walk out past Porrim’s actual room, and beside that a room that she uses for designing, modeling, sewing, and other things. You walk into her sitting room, and see that she has her new dress on. It’s resembles a second skin, it’s black and jade, and it shows off all of her tattoos. It’s quite a pretty dress. Instead of a cloth back there are several thin black chains.  
       “As always, a beautiful piece of work.” You say, and she looks over to you where she was laying out your cloths. She’s always taken very good care of you, and when you two first became moirails you thought you might have actually been flushed for her. After some thinking though, you came to the conclusion that it was just plain foolish to think of her as anything other than a moirail, and passed off your feelings as desperation. You don’t feel them anymore, they have died under hundreds of pounds of self-hatred and social justice.  
       You look around her to see the cloths she had been setting out. A red plaid flannel, a tie-dyed rainbow wife beater, a new pair of black leggings, a black beanie, a pair of red comfortable shoes that you had thought you’d lost a long time ago, a silicone ‘Pride’ bracelet, a tube of clear lip gloss, and a pair of glasses you tried to get rid of a long time ago.  
       “I like it, but I refuse to take out my contacts.” You say.  
       “To bad, you’re doing it.”  
       “No. I refuse.”  
       “Kankri.”  
       “Porrim.” Porrim makes a face of warning at you, and since you really don’t like to make her unhappy, afraid of what might happen, you sigh.  
       “Fine. Only for the date, though.” Porrim smiles.  
       “Yay!” She hugs you.

       A while later you two are on the floor in her sitting room, watching some shitty reality television.  
       “Hey Kanny?”  
       “Yea, Porrim?”  
       “Before you get into anything with Cronus, I want you to know… I love you.” You’re a bit shocked. You’re praying to every god that she means platonically. She only says she loves you when she's afraid. “I mean, I have flushed feelings for you. I don’t want to act on them, no offense, but I’m going to live for such a long time and you’re only going to live… well, not as long as me. I just wanted you to know, I guess. I don’t know why.” You feel like crying, you feel like curling up and dying proving Porrim's point.  
       “I understand. It’s okay.” You say instead. Your voice doesn’t even shake, but you feel broken inside. Now you know that not only you but your best friend is always thinking about how short your life will be.  
       You find yourself wanting to be with Cronus. You don’t know why, but at the moment you crave his arms around you. You want to lay your head on his chest. You just want to be with him, and his somewhat narcissistic ways.  
       “I have to go, thanks for the outfit. We can talk later.”  
       “Okay. I’ll message you.” You’re at the door and walking out when she says this, you just nod and walk out of her Hive.  
You walk to Cronus’ beach, you don’t see him but you get the feeling that he’s here.  
       “Cronus!” You yell out to the ocean. “Cronus, we need to talk!” You plop down on the sand and wait. You stick your finger in the sand and start drawing patterns. You check your phone to see if he’s messaged you, but he hasn’t. You pull your legs up to your chest, and put your chin on our knees. The sun is going down, but you’re not sure you really care. You just want to see Cronus. You replace your chin on your knees with your forehead, and close your eyes.  
       “Hey chief.” You hear after a few minutes. Your head snaps up, and you see Cronus kneeling just in front of you. You feel like you want to cry, or yell at him, but instead you smile. “Kankri, what are you doing here?”  
       “I wanted to see you, I guess.” You say reluctantly.  
       “Aww. Did you miss me?”  
       “Hey now, don’t make me decide this was a bad decision.” Cronus holds his hands up in a defensive position, but smirks none the less. You reach out hesitantly for his arm, when your fingers touch his cool skin you feel electric shocks go through your fingertips. Curiosity, fear, yearning, passion, reluctance.  
       You can’t think of why he would be afraid.  
_‘...maybe he decided to cancel..’_ He thinks, and you sigh.  
       “I’m not canceling, I just wanted to see you. If right now’s a bad time I can just see you tomorrow.” Cronus looks like he’s about to panic.  
       “No, No! Right now is perfectly fine.” You smile up at him. Even when you’re both sitting down he’s still taller than you.  
       “Okay. Will you sit by me?” Cronus doesn’t say anything, he just moves to your side. “Thank you.” You scoot closer to him, and put your head on his shoulder. He puts his chin on your head, and his arm around your waist.  
       “Cronus?”  
       “Yeah?”  
       “Porrim told me she was flushed for me, or still is. I’m not sure. She did say she has or at least had been for a while.” Cronus stiffens and tries to move his arm. “Hey, don’t move. I didn’t tell her anything, or accept, or however this matesprit thing goes. She said she wanted me to know before I possibly get involved with you, and the only reason she didn’t act on it was… something or other. I can’t remember.” You can remember perfectly well, but you think that if Cronus came to this same realization he would leave you. Cronus relaxes and his arm circles you. It’s then that he notices the brown paper bag that holds your out outfit for tomorrow.  
       “What’s in there?” He says.  
       “Porrim insisted on making an outfit that I’ll be wearing on our date tomorrow.” You notice a water drop hit the sand, then another, and another, and another, then more until a steady rain has begun to fall. “Oh no.” You see, you are frightened to death of storms. If it were just the rain, you may have been a little better off, but lightning strikes and thunder is booming around you. You somehow end up curled into Cronus’ side, shaking like a leaf in strong winds.  
       “Hey chief, you alright?”  
       “Y-ye-yeah.” You stutter, once you realize what position you’re in.  
       “Are you afraid of storms?” He asks softly.  
       “No! Don’t be absurd.” You say, but thunder rings out around you, and you’re back in his side.  
       “I think that’s a yes. Come on Kanny, stand up. I’ll walk you home.”  
       “That’s not necessary. I can walk back to my Hive by myself.” You’re standing, and grabbing your bag. You are drenched, and so is your bag. You head the direction of your Hive, and Cronus walks beside you. His hand gently brushing yours every step you take together. When thunder first sounds out on your trek home, you jump and grab his hand. You don’t let go after the thunder has finished rumbling.

      When you get to your Hive, you leave the door open behind you after kicking your shoes off at the door. Thinking that he could see this as an invitation and come in. Which he does. He removes his shoes, shuts the door, and comes to join you on the couch where you had been waiting for him to make his decision.  
       “I assume it’s okay for me to be in here right?”  
       “Yes. You chose to stay, so until this storm passes my Hive is your Hive too.”  
       _‘...I like the sound of that...’_  
       “No funny business.” You say promptly, after hearing his thought. “I will kick you out, even if I am afraid.” Cronus chuckles. You flip the channel to some shitty reality television, and sit the storm out.

       The storm ended about five minutes ago, Cronus fell asleep on your shoulder about three hours ago.  
       “Cronus.” You poke his shoulder. “Cronus wake up.”  
       “Mnnnph.”  
       “Although that’s quite interesting, I said you could only stay until the storm was over. Which it is. Wake up.” Cronus’ eyes open sleepily, and he smiles up at you. “Good, you’re awake. Get off me, the storm ended about five minutes ago.” Cronus reaches a hand up and sweeps the bangs away from your eyes.  
      “You’re so pretty.” He says. Which makes you blush, of course.  
      “Okay, I’m going to lean you up. If you don’t snap to it, I’m calling Porrim.” He seems more alert when you say her name.  
      “Why are you so close with her? Why can’t you be close with me? Why can’t you fall in love with me, sweater boy?” You sigh. He’s tired, he doesn’t know what he’s saying. He won’t remember any of this.  
       “I think I do love you, sea dweller. I’m just afraid. We’ll talk about this when you actually understand you’re talking.” You push him into a sitting position, then stand. “Come on Cronus, you need to go home.”  
       You hold your hand out and he takes it, pulling himself up. He walks wobbly to the door and picks up his shoes. You walk past him, avoiding wet spots from haphazard flung shoes and open the door.  
       “Be safe.” You say as he walks past you.  
       “No problem.” He says. He turns around quickly to face you, almost falling. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” He leans in and places a light peck on your cheek. Your face explodes with color as he saunters off, stumbling a bit from exhaustion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This work is in no way complete yet, when it is complete you will read the words 'THE END'. Also, I will post updates when I can.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This work is in no way complete yet, when it is complete you will read the words 'THE END'. Also, I will post updates when I can.

       You don't get any sleep that night. You sit on your couch with your knees pulled tightly to your chest. You watch shitty reality television until the wee hours of the morning, even past the infomercials ending, but not really paying attention to any of the images flashing across the screen or the sounds blaring from the speakers. You’re thinking about Cronus. Well, mostly thinking about Cronus. 97 percent of your brain is consumed with Cronus, and that kiss planted on your cheek. The other three percent was fixated on the moon setting and the sun beginning to rise through the window.  
       When you see the sun begin to rise through your window, you throw the pillow that has been sitting next to you at the window. You click the television off, and lean our head against the back of the couch. You don’t have to meet Cronus until eight, so you can still get enough sleep to function correctly, at least. You decide it’s for the best if you at least get sleep, and you head off to your room.

       Five hours and 20 minutes later a very loud knock comes from downstairs. You rise from the soper slime with a gleam of rage in your eyes. You wipe yourself off and put on your robe. The sharp knocking continues as you trudge down the stairs.  
       “What in all unholy wrath do you think you’re doing?” You yell angrily after you tug open the door. Your eyes still haven't adjusted to the sunlight outside.  
       “Uh… um… surprise?” You raise your hand to block your eyes from the sun. It’s Cronus. Of course. You sigh.  
       “Come in.” He walks in when you open the door wider.  
       “I’m sorry. I didn’t know you were asleep.”  
       “I’m awake now. Let me go get dressed, I’ll be right down.” You go back upstairs and wipe the sleep from your eyes. You pull on your red sweater and a pair of shorts you bought a long time ago.  
       You walk back downstairs, yawning and rubbing your eyes some more.  
       _‘...he’s so cute...’_ You look up, a slight blush tinting your cheeks.  
       “You know I can hear you, yet you never try to hide what you’re thinking.”  
       “It’s called being open. I really like you, so I’m not going to try and hide.” You’re a little shocked at first, no one is ever this sweet to you. Not even Porrim, she has her special brand of sass and protective instincts, but no one is this sort of sweet to you.  
       “I… I’m flattered.” It’s then you notice the ribbon tied in a bow between his horns and raise your eyebrows.  
       “I thought it was going to be cute.” He shrugs, and reaches up to take it off.  
       “No, wait. I like it.” You say before he can start to untie the bow. “Although, it must be at least a bit uncomfortable.”  
       “Well, you like it don’t you. If it makes you happy I got no problem with it.” You blush a little darker.  
       “Hey Cronus? Do me a favor. Close your eyes, and don’t open them until I say to.”  
       “I guess I can do that.” You walk over and put a knee on either side of him, before sitting down on his thighs. You reach up carefully and pull at one of the ribbons ends until the entire ribbon slips away from his horns. Knowing that your horns are too small, and very much too sensitive you put the ribbon around the back of your neck and tie it in the front.  
       “Okay. Open.” You say. Cronus opens his eyes, and smiles. “Surprise.” You lean in a little bit, then a little more. You press a soft kiss on his lips, which are unsurprisingly salty. You pull away with a foul look on your face. A mix of disgust and disappointment. Cronus looks worried and he tries to kiss you, but you push him away.  
       “Okay, first of all your lips taste like I am eating pure salt, which I’m sure I could get used to if I tired. Maybe you could wear some flavored chap stick? Somthing. Also, I expected you to kiss me back. If you don’t want to kiss me that’s fine. Just tell me.” You look up into his eyes.  
       “I know, the salt must taste something awful, I’ll find some chapstick. I only didn’t kiss you back because I was shocked, I didn’t expect you to just plant one on me.”  
       “Sorry.”  
       “It’s okay, I didn’t mind.” Suddenly, an idea strikes.  
       “I’ll be right back.” You jump up and run to your kitchen. You open a drawer that you keep miscellaneous items in, and pull out a tube of cherry chapstick. You run back into the sitting room and raise your prize.  
       “Look what I found.” You return to where you were sitting on his lap before, and open the tube. You apply the faux fruit tasting lip balm to his lips. You put the cap back on and toss it to the side on the couch.  
       “Is it alright if we kiss now?” Says Cronus. You nod and press your lips against his. His lips are soft, and taste less like salt now. You’re obviously the inexperienced one in this duo. His hands creep to your sides, then to around your back. His tongue licks your bottom lip, and you have no idea what that means, so you just open your mouth a little. You assume you got it right when he puts his tongue in your mouth. Which, oddly, you find rather enjoyably. He begins to move his hands higher, up your chest and over your shoulders. They stop for a second at your neck, but continue onward. They do not actually stop until they reach your horns. It takes barely a touch and you start moaning. It takes a lot of willpower but you pull away.  
       “No.” Cronus looks a little confused.  
       “But… weren’t you enjoying it?”  
       “It’s not that. I was. It’s just… you’re not my matesprit yet, and we barely know anything about each other. Also, I kinda just want to save myself for a while, I’ll tell you when I’m ready.”  
       “What do you mean, ‘Not matesprits yet’?” Cronus says.  
       “You’re the brave one, so I thought you if you wanted anything serious with me you would ask. I’ve never had a matesprit before so I don’t know how to ask you, and I don’t know if you were ready.”  
       “Kank, it would an honor to be your matesprit, and we can find out more about each other tonight. Also, even if you’re never ready, I’ll still be here. I’ll wait for you.” You smile at him and peck him on the lips. You move your legs to one of his sides, and lean your back against his shoulder. You pick up the remote and click on the television.  
       “We’re going to watch several hours of low quality reality television, until it’s eight o’clock. Then I’ll get ready for our date and we’ll leave.” Cronus nudges the side of your head with his nose.  
       “Sounds like the best.”

       Almost eight hours later your brain has turned to mush, and your eyes are glazed over. Since you turned the television you’ve been watching ‘Beforus’ Next Top Model’, and to tell the truth, it was horrendous. You loved it. You absolutely love reality television, but after that much crap blasted into your thinkpan, you really need to get out. You look at the clock on the table beside the couch, it reads half past seven.  
       “I’m going to go take a shower and get dressed.I’ll come back downstairs when I’m done.” You say.  
       “Okay, I’ll be right here.”  
       You walk upstairs and grab a towel from the closet by the bathroom and undress in your room. Before you go into the bathroom you check your phone for new messages then plug it in.

       You wrap the towel around your waist, and run your fingers through your drenched hair. You clench your hand around the chain on your neck that has a pendent of your symbol on it. You let go and let it hang at your neck.  
       You swipe another towel from the closet on the way to your room and wrap it around your head, in an attempt to dry your hair.  
       You empty out the brown bag and spread the cloths out on the small loveseat you keep upstairs. Usually it’s piled high with books and notepads, but you had just cleaned it off. Now all the books are in piles all around the loveseat, instead of ontop of it. You dry your body off, and pull on the black tights, sliding your hands down your legs to smooth out the wrinkles. You then put on the rainbow tye-dye wife beater, accidently knocking the towel off your head in the process. You slip on the plaid over shirt, and roll up the sleeves. You snatch up the pair of glasses and the tube of clear lip gloss, and walk to the bathroom.  
       You stand in front of the mirror and take out your contacts then put on your glasses, you blink a few times to adjust to the lenses right in front of our eyes. You pucker up your lips a little and apply a coat of the lip gloss.  
       Back in your room you pull a pair of black socks from your dresser, and put them on along with the red pair of shoes.  
       You walk downstairs and into the sitting room.  
       “Okay, Cronus. Ready to go?” Cronus looks a little dumbfounded.  
       “Y...yeah.” This is the only time that he hasn’t been smooth as ice around you.  
       “Is something wrong?” You extend your hands and walk toward him.  
       “No. I’m okay, you’re just… beautiful. It’s not like you weren’t beautiful before, it’s just… I don’t know.” Cronus takes your hands and stands up.  
       “Oh, uh, thanks…” You blush a little,he always makes you blush. You aren’t necessarily opposed to it, just embarrassed by it. He leans in and kisses you softly, and you kiss him back.  
       “Okay.” You say when you pull away. “Lets go.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This work is in no way complete yet, when it is complete you will read the words 'THE END'. Also, I will post updates when I can.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This work is in no way complete yet, when it is complete you will read the words 'THE END'. Also, I will post updates when I can.

      You and Cronus hold hands on the way to the carnival. He keeps glancing at you every few minutes, and there’s a whirlwind of thoughts flying through his head. It’s hard to make out even one of them.  
      “Hey Cronus is something wrong?” You ask.  
      “No, I’m alright. Is something wrong with you?”  
      “No, you just look preoccupied. We don’t have to go today if you don’t want to, we can just go back to my hive, or we can go sit on your beach.”  
      “I do want to go, I really do. I’m still just kinda shocked that you wear glasses, I guess.”  
      “What? Really? Is that it. It’s not my fault I can’t see very well, I knew it was a bad idea to wear these, Porrim convinced me I’d look okay…” You begin to reach into the breast pocket on your plaid shirt to take out your spare contacts.  
      “Hey, no. I like the glasses. They look good on you.” You sneer a little bit at him, but ultimately you smile. He’s got a knack for making you feel good about yourself. The way he makes you feel… it’s like you’re the only person in existence, or better yet the only in focus person in a room full of blurred people, because he could choose anyone, but he still chose you. He makes you feel special, and the fact that no one’s ever done that before makes this pretty damn fantastic.  
      “You’re amazing, you know that?” You tell him, because it really isn’t a question, it’s more of a statement. It’s something he should know.  
      “Why do you say that?”  
      “Because you are, and you shouldn’t take my compliments lightly, I don’t give them out for free.”  
      “Well, I know I’m amazing. I just wondered why you thought so.” You shrug and bump your shoulder into his.  
      “Jerk.” Cronus smiles at you, then leans over and kisses your temple.  
      Cronus pulls a pack of cigarettes out of his pants pocket, and taps one out.  
      “Cronus, what are those?”  
      “Cigarettes. Do you want one?” You look at him with a hint of disgust.  
      “No. That’s disgusting. Tobacco contributes to several kinds of illnesses, and the actual mix of chemicals inside of a cigarette increases your heart rate and blood pressure putting strain on the heart. The tar the emits from the cigarette can literally rot your lungs. It can cause severe headaches, painful heartburn, feeling out of breath after mild activities, racing heartbeat, nausea, anxiety, dry mouth, trembling hands, fear, dulled sense of taste and smell, not to mention the smell it leaves lingering on your cloths.” You rant. People smoking, especially in public, is one of your pet peeves. As though they do not care for themselves or anyone else. Cronus has just kinda been looking at you, his eyes are a bit wide and the corners of his mouth seemed to be turning up in a smile. A smile? No one’s ever smiled when you’ve lectured them before, they usually groan. Or cry. “Are you okay, Cronus?”  
      “Yeah, you just make me really happy.”

      When you two reach the gate of the carnival Cronus hands the Troll in the ticket booth two slips of paper, the tickets presumably, and you enter the carnival.  
      There are lots of cheesy games around you, like the ring toss and balloon pop. You see a large wheel towering above you, spinning in a circle.  
      “Cronus, what’s that?”  
      “A Ferris wheel. People get in the little booths attached to the metal frame and ride it around until your reach the bottom again.”  
      “Hmph. That kinda sounds boring.”  
      “Yeah, but it’s also kinda romantic.” You spot a ride a little farther away, shooting fast over the tracks.  
      “Cronus what’s that?” You say as the point out the fast moving ride.  
      “I wouldn’t have pegged you for liking roller coasters. They’re fast and give you an adrenaline rush.”  
      “Can we ride it?”  
      “I don’t see why not. As long as we can ride the Ferris wheel afterwards.”  
      “Deal.”

      The roller coaster was the most fun you’ve had in a while, with it’s twists and turns and loopty loops, you were kind of sad when it ended. Cronus looked a little sickly.  
      “You okay, Cronus?”  
      “Yeah, I just get motion sick sometimes.”  
      _‘...I’m gonna hurl…’_  
      “How about we go sit down for a couple of minutes?”  
      “That sounds nice. I’d like that.” You put your arm around his waist and walk him to the nearest bench, and sit down.  
      “You okay now?” You say after a few minutes, and his grey color has returned. He nods and smiles at you. “Are you ready to go on the Ferris wheel or do you want to wait?”  
   “I’m ready. Let’s go.” You stand and hold out your hands for him, which he takes and pulls himself up with.                                                                                                              On the top of the ferris wheel you hold onto Cronus’ hand and look out the side of your compartment. From there you can see for miles, from Cronus’ beach to your Hive. You can see _Jade Goes With Everything_. You feel like you’re flying, and it’s wonderful.  
You move back beside Cronus and lay your head on his shoulder.  
      “Kanny, do you know what a wonderwall is?”  
      “Of course I do, I’m very smart. A wonderwall; someone you find yourself thinking about all the time, the person you are completely infatuated with. Or a barrier which separates the mundane from the Transcendent Reality. A true wonderwall will always have a crack, or a slit, or an opening which allows anyone a glimpse of what lies beyond the wonderwall.”  
      “You sure are smart. I wasn’t asking for the exact definition, I was more just trying to tell you something… you’re my wonderwall, and I love you.” You don’t really know what to say. You’ve been rendered speechless, which is saying a lot. “It’s okay, Kankri, don’t say anything. You don’t have to, I just want you to know that I love you.” The compartment shudders to a stop and you scramble out. Before Cronus can say anything you’re running, fast and hard, most importantly away. You can hear him calling after you, you can feel his anguish, or maybe it’s yours, because you love him too but you can’t. You won’t allow it.  
       He’s going to live for _so long_ and you’re going to live for another 15 sweeps at most. You want to be selfish, and just give yourself this. Just this. You know better than to be selfish, and you know you’re better off alone anyways.  
      It begins to drizzle rain on the way home, and you make it just inside before thunder hits and you jump. You slide your back down the door and begin to sob.  
      “Stupid Kankri. Stupid Cronus. Stupid stupid stupid stupid.” You tell yourself. You feel like it’s your fault. For everything. It doesn’t even matter, you just know it’s your fault.  
      There’s a knock on the door.  
      “Kankri.” It’s Cronus. “Kankri, let me in.” You stay quiet, pretending you’re not home. “It’s okay Kank. I know you’re home. You wouldn’t be out in a storm like this.” There’s silence on both sides of the door, and you feel the door moving with weight being placed on it. “I’ll be right here, Kankri. If you get afraid, or just want to talk. I’m sorry.” He says through the door.  
      “I love you too.” You whisper. Just to test out the words in your mouth. “I love you too.” You say louder.  
      “What was that?”  
      “I said I love you too, I just don’t know if I can actually let myself. Love you that is.”  
      “Why?”  
      “I don’t know. I just… I can’t see a scenario in which this works out.”  
      “I do. It’s the one where you let me in and we talk. We watch some shitty reality television, and I kiss you. Either a little or a lot. Just open the door.” There’s more silence, and you open the door. “Were you crying?” You nod. He cups his hands around your jaw and wipes tears stained with his thumbs. “We’ll be okay, sweetheart.” He says and he leans down to kiss you. You snake your arms around his waist and lay your head below his sternum.  
      “You’re seriously tiny.” He says.  
      “Hey, you’re only like a foot taller than I am.”  
      “That’s still pretty tiny.”  
      “You’re mean.”  
      “You’re sensitive.”  
      “I love you."  
      “I love you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This work is in no way complete yet, when it is complete you will read the words 'THE END'. Also, I will post updates when I can.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This work is in no way complete yet, when it is complete you will read the words 'THE END'. Also, I will post updates when I can.

      You wake up with your head cradled into Cronus’ chest. Your glasses are missing and, your lips hurt. You feel a large warm hand on your back, and you smile. You push yourself closer to him.  
      “Mmm. Mornin’ chief.”  
      “Sorry, I didnt mean to wake you.”  
      “It’s okay. As long as I’m being woken up by you.” You smile and shake your head. As you begin to lay your head back against his chest he moves his hand up to your neck, and guides your lips to his.  
      “Do I still taste like salt?” He asks when you pull away.  
      “No, my lips just hurt.” Cronus blushes and averts his eyes.  
      “Sorry about that, by the way.” He says. You smile and stretch your neck up to kiss him on the cheek.  
      “It’s okay. I don’t mind. Only because it’s you.” Cronus blushes a deeper shade of purple, and smiles. “Do you want some breakfast?” You ask him.  
      “Sure.” He says, seeming to have returned to his normal state of nonchalant. You get up from the pallet you and he had made on the floor, and grab your shirt from the entertainment center. Your leggings are a little farther away in the hallway. You remember all of last night in detail.

_You walk into the sitting room just after you and Cronus confess love to each other and begin on the couch. It’s storming hard and every time thunder strikes you jump and scoot closer to your matesprit. Eventually Cronus just pulls you into his lap and holds your ear to his chest, and his hand over your other ear._  
_Once the storm eased up and you calmed down you went to get blankets from the closet in your room. You drag the blankets and pillows that you had scavenged from your closet into the sitting room and lay them out on the floor._  
_After everything is laid out you begin to strip both of your shirts off._  
_“Hey hey hey, what are you doing?” Cronus shouts as he quickly turns his head away from you._  
_“I’m, uh, getting undressed.” You say as you continue to strip off your cloths. You fold them into squares and put them on the entertainment center._  
_“Why?”_  
_“Because I’m not sleeping in the clothes I wore all day.”_  
_“You’re… you’re at least wearing underwear right?” He still isn’t looking at you, but he’s begun to fidget ._  
_“Yes. Of course.” Cronus blushes a dark shade of purple, and mumbles something. “What was that?”_  
_“Nothing, I just… you have a really nice body.” Now you blush. You start to pick up the shirts you just folded to try and hide your chest._  
_“No. Hey, I didn’t say you had to put those back on… if you want, could you… could you keep them off?” Cronus’ cheeks are as dark as plums, and he still won’t look at you._  
_“Yeah. I don’t want to sleep in them anyways, I don’t see any reason to put them back on right now unless you’re uncomfortable.” Cronus finally glances at you, but quickly looks away. You hook your thumbs under the elastic band on your leggings and pull them off. You toss them away from you, not caring if they’re neat or tidy. You walk over to Cronus, who is sitting stock still on the couch. He hasn’t moved since you took your shirt._  
_You cup your hand around his chin, and make him look at you. Then you smile at him, and straddle his lap._  
_“I love you, Cronus.”_  
_“I love you too, babe.” You wrap your arms around his waist and kiss his neck. You slowly move your hands down the the hem of his shirt, and your fingers grip the edges._  
_He’s feeling confusion, surprise, lust, love._  
_“Raise your arms.” You whisper in his ear. He does so, even if it is a seemingly robotic motion. You pull away for a moment._  
_“Are you alright?”_  
_“Y-yeah. I just, uh, I’m surprised I guess.”_  
_“At?”_  
_“I didn’t think we’d be… pailing so soon.” You pull back, apuled. Cronus puts his arms down, and looks at you quizzically._  
_‘What did I do?’ He thinks._  
_“We’re not pailing. I just wanted you to feel more comfortable in your environment. I love you, but this thing I have… I don’t know if I’d ever be able to pail with anyone.”_  
_“That’s okay, sweetheart. We don’t have to do anything you’re not happy with.” You smile at him, and kiss his cheek._  
_He cups your cheek with his hand and you push your face into his hand. He pulls your lips to his, and presses them together lightly. He slides his hands down to your lower back, and very slowly he keeps sliding his hands down._  
_“I said I didn’t want to pail, Cronus.” You say when you pull your lips away from him._  
_“I know, but… I just really want to touch your butt.” He says with possibly the one of the most serious faces you’ve ever seen on him. You look at him, questioning for a moment how you possibly fell in love with this Troll. “I mean, you’ve got a rockin’ ass.” You try to stay angry, you really do, but you start laughing._  
_“Language.” You’re smiling, and laughing. You’re happy. You push yourself onto your knees and take his hands from where they were resting on your hips._  
_You cup his palms against your rear, and put your hands under his as you sit back down on his lap._  
_“Are you happy now?” You look up into Cronus’ eyes and see that his pupils are dilated._  
_He slams his lips against yours roughly, like it’s a physical fight. And you’ll be damned if you let him win. You push back against him, moving your lips with his. When he squeezes you, you gasp and he takes the opportunity to take control. You let out a low growl from your throat and he bites your lip._  
_You pull away quickly, and your eyes well up with tears. You yank your hands out from under you and cover your mouth._  
_“That hurt.” You say. Your voice shakes, and when you pull your hand away from your lips red blood is speckled across your grey palm._  
_“Oh my god, I am so sorry.” He begins to reach for your hand but you pull away._  
_“Why did you hurt me?” You say._  
_“I didn’t mean to. I was just… it was in the moment. I really didn’t mean to hurt you.” You pull your hand away from your face and lean forward slightly. You lean forward little by little until your lips are on his again. Only, this time it’s just a small kiss. You’re pulling away before you actually want to, and Cronus is hugging you and putting his head on your shoulder._  
_Cronus gets undressed just before he crawls into the pile of blankets and pillows you’ve made. You’re already bundled inside and when he crawls in you curl up against him._  
_“I love you, Cronus.”_  
_“I love you too, Kanny.”_

      You’re in the kitchen making breakfast when your phone beeps. It had been charging on the kitchen counter all night. You walk over to it and unlock it. The screen says it’s a message from Porrim.  
_‘Hey Kankri, guess what?’_  
_‘What?’_ You reply _._  
_‘I met someone.’_  
_‘How do you mean? And who?’_  
_‘She’s really nice, and she’s smart. She likes to chatter on about things, but that’s part of her appeal. I really like her Kankri, and she’s a blue blood. She’s going to live longer than me even. Her name is Aranea.’_ It takes you a bit to reply this time.  
_‘I’m happy for you.’_  
_‘Thank you.’_  
      For some reasons her words hurt you. You put your hand on your chest, because they managed to etch out new patterns of hate and disgust you feel for yourself, and they add the cavernous black hole that embodies your insides. You hate yourself more than anyone could ever love you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This work is in no way complete yet, when it is complete you will read the words 'THE END'. Also, I will post updates when I can.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This work is in no way complete yet, when it is complete you will read the words 'THE END'. Also, I will post updates when I can.

      Cronus walks into the kitchen behind you, where you’re still clutching at your chest with one hand and holding on to the counter for dear life with the other.  
      “Hey babe, what’s wrong?” Cronus says as he wraps his arms around your back.  
      “Nothing… I’m just a little dizzy.” He looks around your shoulder and purses his lips, as if to kiss your cheek. “Woah, chief. You look like you’ve seen a ghost. What’s wrong?”  
      “I’ve just got a headache. It’s alright, let me finish breakfast then we can just hang out okay?”  
      “No, you go sit in the living room, I’ll finish breakfast.” Cronus says as he pulls you away from the counter. “Come on. I got this.”  
      “You sure?”  
      “Yes yes, come on. I got it.” Cronus says as he continues to pull you away from the counter.  
      “I love you.” Cronus smiles at you when you finally pull away and turn to him. “I love you so much.”  
      “I love you too chief.”  
      You move into the living room, and sit down on the pallet. You pull your legs up to your chin and stare at the blank wall between the hallway and the room you’re in.  
_‘She’s going to live so long… longer than me even.’_ You can’t help but remember these words. You can’t help but remember the new carvings on the wall of your lungs, and you can feel each individual line as your heart beats a sad rhythm. Whispering your worthlessness and mutation throughout your veins.  
      Before you know what’s happening you’re standing and you’ve grabbed a lamp. Before you can stop yourself it’s out of your hands and across the room. It shatters, and so do you. You’re on your knees crawling over trying to pick up the shattered pieces and put them back together. Everything happens in a flash. Cronus is in the doorway, and you’ve accidently cut your hand on the pieces you were picking up.  
You look up to him, and you’re laughing and crying and nothing makes sense anymore because you don’t make sense anymore.  
      “Chief, what happened? What’s going on?” Cronus is pleading with you, trying to get you to calm down. He’s knelt down in front of you and took your bleeding hand from where it was clutched to your chest.  
      “Please… don’t. Just don’t.” You say. Heavy tears are falling from your eyes, staining your cheeks red. Your throat is tight and you want to disappear.  
      “Kankri, please tell me what happened.” He sounds sad almost. You suddenly yank your hand away from him.  
      “I said nothing is wrong!” You almost screech when you whip your head up and look him in the eye. He looks shocked for a second, the an almost steely resolve settles over him.  
      “This obviously isn’t ‘nothing’, Kank. Something happened.” His voice was soft, but stern. Like dealing with a child. You _hated_ it.  
      “I think you need to leave.” That. That’s what breaks Cronus’ short resolve. He didn’t look determined or resolved anymore. He just looked broken.  
      “Why? What did I- did I do something?” And it’s all you can do to shake your head. You haven’t stopped crying, but even if you had this would bring the hot thick tears back.“You said you loved me. I love you.” His voice is thick, but cracking at the same time. It reminds you of a desert; dry and a vast wasteland. Sad, in a whole.  
      “I do love you, but… you just-” You’re abruptly cut off by Cronus yelling.  
      “I just what? What did I do, Kankri, that could possibly warrant you ruining our perfect morning?” For a moment your silent, and Cronus realizes he possibly just said something very bad. His hands move into a defensive position, and he tries to defend himself but you find yourself spouting the truth like a faucet with a broken handle.  
      “You fucking want to know why, _Sea dweller_? Because you are going to live so god damn long, and I could die tomorrow. Porrim, Aranea, and you will see my next generation but I will only get to see you again in death. So please Cronus, leave. Don’t come back. Don’t ask for something I _cannot_ give you. I love you Cronus, but I _can’t_.” Blood has dripped from your hand into a small puddle beside your foot. Your chest is heaving, and you’re sobbing. Cronus looks dumbstruck, the damp violet lines on his cheeks have stopped growing. He picks up his clothes and you stand there silently until he’s dressed. He’s at your door and you still haven’t moved, he turns slightly and shakes his head.  
      “I’m not giving up on us, Kankri. I love you so… so much.” Without another word he’s gone, the door shut behind him. You mind descends into chaos again, you haven’t stopped crying, and you’re throwing things ranging from glass to iron. When the dust settles your Hive is anything but tidy. You huff a sigh and start the trek upstairs.  
      You fling open the bathroom door and wash off your hand. It stopped bleeding shortly after Cronus left. You take gauze from beneath the cabinet and dress your hand.  
      When you look back up into the mirror, you can’t help but look at yourself in the eyes and wonder if the world would be better off without you. If it would all be better if you just… stopped existing. Your eyes are tired and sad, and for a moment you think you see Cronus in them. You close your eyes looking away, and feel a sharp pang in your chest.  
      “I love him.” You say to yourself. ‘ _I can’t_.’ You think. You sigh and leave the bathroom, heading straight for your bedroom. You sit on your love seat and pick up a book, you lay a throw over your legs and immerse yourself in the story. Within hours you’re asleep.  
      Amongst the chaos your phone had rung, and you didn’t hear it. When you went upstairs you forgot to pick it up, so you didn’t see or hear the voicemail from Porrim.  
_‘Kankri, Cronus just stopped by. He seemed really distressed. Said something about how I need to talk to you. He said he thought I might have said something to trigger this bout of depression. Well, not exactly. He yelled at me, blamed me, apologized, cried, and begged for my help. It was kinda funny, but if he’s gone to such length something has to be wrong. Call me back.”_  
      As well as one message from Cronus.  
_‘I won’t give up on us.’_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This work is in no way complete yet, when it is complete you will read the words 'THE END'. Also, I will post updates when I can.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This work is in no way complete yet, when it is complete you will read the words 'THE END'. Also, I will post updates when I can.

      You wake up with the throw on the floor, and facing the back of the love seat. Your neck is contorted, and your legs are cemented into knots. You roll off of the cushions and hit your floor with a dull thud. You stretch your limbs and groan. Then the day before hits you like a sledgehammer, and all of the air leaves your lungs.You just lay on the floor, analyzing the dust bunnies and lost pens. You somehow feel akin to them. Maybe it’s because you feel so astray, or maybe it’s because you’re lost. You push yourself up and pick up the throw wrapping it around your arms, and although it’s light you feel oh so heavy.  
      Guilt. Sadness. Depression. For once you wish these feelings didn’t belong to you, that someone else was here that was responsible for these things.  
      When you walk downstairs, the rooms surrounding you clean. Despite what happened yesterday, they look as clean as ever. You are obviously befuddled by this until you trudge into the kitchen and find a note hanging on your refrigerator.  
 _K-_  
 _Cronus and I came by while you were asleep. I know you usually leave your door unlocked, which you shouldn’t do. We cleaned the place up, after which Cronus just kinda stood in the middle of the living room. I don’t know what happened between you two, but he loves you. Somehow, I’m going to fix this for you. Take it easy sweetheart._  
 _Love,_  
 _P_  
      God, you love them. You love them both so much it physically hurts. You grip your chest because it shouldn’t hurt this much, it shouldn’t feel like your literally dying. You rush to your phone and bypass the messages. You make a call, it rings several times and the other end picks up.  
      “Hey Kankri, what’s up?” You take a deep breath and you feel like the world is crashing down around you.  
      “Porrim. Please. I need…” You drop the phone, and you fall on the floor. You feel like you can’t get enough air, even though you’re breathing so deep and you feel like if you stop you’ll die.  
      “Kankri?” Porrim sounds panicked. “Kankri, are you alright?” She’s yelling through the phone and you want to answer, but you can’t. For the life of you, you you can’t answer.         “I’m on my way Kanny. Don’t die on me.” The last thing you hear is the the phone beeping, signaling the end of the conversation. Then everything goes dark.

      You wake up. Several hours later, you presume. You’re laying in a sterile white room, and the first thing you think is ‘Oh dear god, I’m dead’, the next is ‘I’ll never see Cronus again.’ You freak out, the you begin to breath deep and hard again. And it hurts. You don’t think this should hurt. If you should be able to escape one thing in death it should be pain. So, you’re not dead. For now, at least. That’s good, you begin to breath steadily again. If you’re not dead and this isn’t the afterlife, then it’s… where is this?  
Porrim walks in, she looks ragged and like she hasn’t slept in weeks.  
      “Where am I, Porrim?” She looks startled when you talk, like she didn’t expect you to be awake. “Porrim? What’s wrong? Why are you just standing there?” She rushes over to you and sits in a chair beside your bed.  
      “Okay, hey hey hey. We’re in the hospital. You blacked out at your Hive, I got there as fast as I could.” She said. She’s shaking, and she looks like she’s been crying.  
      “How long have I been here?” You say.  
      “You’ve been out for about a day, you’ve been here for a little less than that.” Her hands are shaking and clutching at the heavy white knit blanket thrown over your legs. “Cronus came to see you.” There’s a hitch in your breath, your chest hurts, and your throat feels tighter. “He’s in the hall if you want to…” You shake your head vigorously, you don’t think you can talk. “Kanny… he really loves you. I don’t know what he did, or what he didn’t do, I know he’s sorry. He’s so so very sorry.”  
      You want to tell her he’s perfect. He’s annoying, careful, addictive, and… perfect. You want to tell her you love him, but you feel a house has been built on your chest. You want to tell her to send him him. You can’t you can’t you can’t you can’t. You want to… you want to let him, but your car alarm heart will drain its batteries before it will let you say yes to letting you love him. The way you know you can. The way you know you should. You’re breathing hard again, faster than before. Harder and faster, black spots surround the edges of your vision. You know you’re going to throw up before it actually happens, you can feel the bile inching it’s way up your throat. You’re reaching for the small bucket beside the bed before you actually register doing it, and bile is rushing out. Porrim is reaching over and smoothing down your hair.  
      “Shhh, Kanny. It’s alright. He’s not coming in here. You don’t have to see him.” She’s shivering again, her hand shakes against your hair. You begin to cry, and you gag. Holding the bucket close, bile drips down your chin. You look up to porrim, and you see that she’s crying too. She wipes your tears away from your cheeks, and smiles.  
      “You’re going to be okay, Kanny.” You nod and sit the bucket on the bedside table. The doctor walks in. For a moment you catch a glimpse of lightning bolt shaped horns, and pale grey fingers. You look away and hold your breath, hoping another wave doesn’t hit. The doctor closes the door, and begins asking boring questions about medical history, use of drugs and alcohol, all of that. You aren’t really paying attention.  
      “It looks like you’ve got severe anxiety.” The doctor says, in a bored tone, flipping some papers and checking something with his pen.  
      “What?” You say, obviously dumbstruck. You know what anxiety is, obviously. You've just ... never had an anxiety attack. There's never been any symptoms to indicate that you could possibly have anxiety.   
      “Essentially, what’s been happening for about the last day, is you’ve been having an anxiety attack. An anxiety attack is when people may feel fearful, apprehensive, racing heart, shortness of breath. It’s often very short lived, and goes away when the stressor is removed.” He says, repeating the words like reading from a dictionary. “But in this case it seems the stressor hasn’t gone away yet.”  
      “I know what it it, but you’re saying that I’m having anxiety attacks… because I’m stressed?” You ask reproachfully.  
      “Exactly. I’ll send a nurse in with your discharge papers, after you sign them you’re free to leave.” You nod, and look to Porrim. Her hand is on your knee, and she’s stopped shaking.  
      When the doctor leaves she smiles and sighs. She even chuckles a little bit.  
      “What are you laughing at?” You say.  
      “It’s just… you’re not sick. Physically, at least. It’s something that’s…well, not life threatening. I’m happy.” She smiles and stands up, leaning over you and kissing you on the forehead. “You’re not allowed to die yet, not until you’re happy.”  
      You have a feeling that if those are the rules, you’re immortal. You almost laugh at the irony.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This work is in no way complete yet, when it is complete you will read the words 'THE END'. Also, I will post updates when I can.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This work is in no way complete yet, when it is complete you will read the words 'THE END'. Also, I will post updates when I can.

      It’s been weeks since you blacked out. You’ve confined yourself to your house, watching daytime television twenty-four seven. You’ve been avoiding contact from the outside world as much as possible. Porrim stops by every few days, and checks to make sure you haven’t lost your mind yet. She tries to convince you to come back out, talk to people. She never says his name, but you know she means Cronus.  
      Curled in on yourself on the couch with a heavy comforter, the television is rambling nonsense, from what you can tell. You woke up a few hours ago, got a glass of orange juice, and returned to the couch. This has been the routine for several weeks now, with an occasional break for meals.  
      You hate being in the sitting room, but in a way you can’t imagine being anywhere other than here. You hate to think that, because it’s sadistic. Every time you look at the floor you think of him, you almost throw yourself into a panic because he was there. He should still be there.  
      You try as much as possible to refrain from thinking about him, which is hard considering there’s nothing else to do.  
      You pick up your phone which has been ringing off the hook for the last three minutes. You check the ID and toss the phone aside. It’s Porrim. If it was anything to important she’d come over. You burrow deeper inside of your comforter.  
      After the ringing stops your phone beeps indicating a missed call. Then it starts ringing again, you leave it be. You assume it’s Porrim again. You snake your arm out of your comforter and grab the remote, then you turn the volume up. You’re teetering between going to sleep again and making food when your phone sounds off again. This time it’s the voicemail sound instead of the missed call sound.  
      You groan and roll off of the couch and crawl like a grub over to your phone. You click on the notification and hold the phone up to your ear.  
      “Hey Kank…” It’s Cronus. Your body seizes up, and your breath hitches. You tightly grip the phone. You want to let go, but you can’t find the will to loosen your fingers. “I want to hear your voice so bad right now.” His voice sounds slurred, like he’s been drinking. “I wish I was there with you.” You push yourself up off the floor and lean your back on the couch. You let his voice travel over your body, and you feel warm inside. Safe.  
      Something has been bothering you for the past few weeks, Cronus had made you feel safe ever since you’ve met him, so why now can you suddenly not stand to even think about him. You realize why it’s been bothering you now, as you clutch the phone to your ear and his rocky tenor washes over you. You realize it’s not him that’s making you this way, it’s feeling like you’ll never be with him again. See him. Talk to him. The only thing that keeps you from spirling is his drunken slurred speech.  
      “I want to hold your hand. I miss holding your hand. I miss kissing you. I miss touching you. If I were there right now… I know. You probably think I’m some sort of beast or something, but if I were there I wouldn’t be able to keep my hands off of you. I’d kiss your neck, and squeeze your firm ass. I’d slide my fingers in your nook, make sure you’re begging and panting. I’d play your body like an instrument.” There’s a deep grumble on the other side of the phone, when the voice returns it’s breathy. You’re breathing deep, and your eyes are closed. You trail your hands down your chest and tuck your fingers under the elastic waistband of your shorts and underwear, leaning forward and pulling them below your knees. You’re bulge is curling toward your leg until you wrap your hand around it. You begin to stroke slowly up and down. You pin the phone between your ear and shoulder and reach your other hand up to your horns. “I’d fuck into you nice and slow, and I’d bring you to the edge but I wouldn’t let you fall over it. I’d hold you close as you shook. When you finally fall into oblivion I’ll be there. I’ll always be there.” The phone falls to the floor after you throw your head back and moan.  
      You hear a faint monotone beep coming from the speaker of your phone but you honestly couldn’t care. Your bulge is wrapping around your hand and wiggling toward anything remotely warm. Your genetic material is dripping down your hand, and you slightly resent yourself because you know you’ll have to clean the carpet latter. The hand on you horn is making very light touches, occasionally your thumb with put pressure on the tip and you’ll arch your back and curl your toes.  
You bite your lip and your eyelids flutter. Your genetic fluid bursts against your hand, making you resent yourself even more. You don’t want to clean. You don’t want to move, but even more so you don’t want to lie in the floor in your own mess. You want Cronus to be here, so he’ll pick you up and hold you close. You want him to be here so you know you aren’t alone in this miserable world. Hell, you want him here just for him to be here. With you.  
You sigh, your nook has sheathed itself away but you still don’t want to get up. You do get up, however. As appealing as it sounds to lay in your own fluids all day, you’re sure you can find a better way to spend your time. You strip your shirt off, because for once it actually is too hot to wear your sweater. You pick up the pile of clothes on the floor and toss them into the ever growing pile near your laundry room.  
You walk naked, save the necklace baring your symbol, throughout your house to the bathroom. You look at yourself in the mirror. The bags under your eyes look like they could brew tea. They look like stains on coffee tables long forgotten. Your hair is disheveled and to say you look sad isn’t quite correct. You’re sad, yes, but you’ve also come to a resolution.  
      “I’ve got to fix this.” You say to yourself in the mirror.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This work is in no way complete yet, when it is complete you will read the words 'THE END'. Also, I will post updates when I can.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This work is in no way complete yet, when it is complete you will read the words 'THE END'. Also, I will post updates when I can.

      You sit on your bed with your phone held in your hands. You’ve been sitting like this for several hours, staring at the digitized numbers that your thumb hovers above. It’s Cronus. His Trollian handle flashing stark against the black background of the app. The thought of talking to him, it makes you happy. But the thought of talking to him, and he not accepting your apology… it brings you to the edge of another panic attack.  
      You think that even though he’s not with you, he’s never left. You feel him in your fingertips, and you breath him through the cold air. You sometimes confuse your reflection with his smile, and it makes you want to be selfish. It makes you want to call him and hang up, because you don’t know if you can stand to hear him say he loves you. You know he loves you. You feel the imprint of his love left on your hive, but it’s not as warm as it used to be. It’s not how it should be.  
      You get up and pull your red sweater over your head and your pants on to your legs. You slip on your red converse, then you put your phone in your pocket. You’re out the door on a mission.  
      Your converse have been haphazardly tossed to the side, and your pants have been rolled up to your knees. The white sand feels heavenly beneath your feet. You’ve missed this. The sand on your toes, the water gently swaying against the shore. You feel at home. Most of all you’ve missed the lightning bolt shaped horns, and the lingering smell of nicotine. His hair isn’t slicked back like normal, but then again it’s been weeks since you’ve last seen him. You don’t move, you don’t think he sees you. You don’t think he even knows you’re there. His mind is cluttered, and you can only pull bits and pieces from some of the millions of conversations he’s having in his head. Your mouth is suddenly dry as you realize they’re all about you. One specifically, he’s calling out to you. Like you’re a radio signal and he’s trying to get a connection.  
      You open your mouth but all of your words, all of your vast knowledge of language slip your mind and you can’t speak.  
      _Kankri, if you’re out there I’m fighting for you. Kankri, if you’re out there I’m still waiting for you. Kankri, if you’re out there I’ll never stop loving you._  
      This message plays over and over like a skipping record.  
      “I’m here.” You don’t know where the words came from, all you know is that they sounded more like a plea for help than anything you have ever said before. Cronus shoots to his feet, and turns to face you. You hesitantly hold open your arms and he rockets into them, almost knocking you off of your feet.  
      “I’m so sorry, Kankri…” Cronus sobs into your shoulder, his body shakes as you wrap your arms tightly around him.  
      “No, I made a mistake. I shouldn’t have blamed you for something you can’t change about yourself. It’s hard to stop loving the ocean once it’s left you gasping for breath, the lack of water in my lungs feels like suffocation.” Cronus pulls his head away from your neck, under his eyes are purple and puffy and his cheeks are stained with violet tears. “That’s not to say I don’t care that you’re going to live forever, I’m saying I want to love you for my forever. Without you, I am at a stand still. Just waiting to die. I don’t want that. You make me feel alive because I love you. I love you, because you make me feel alive. If you’re still willing to deal with my car alarm heart, I will always want to be with you.” Cronus’ arms wrap around you, and you can feel the ocean in his chest. The waves crashing and shuddering against his ribs. He smells of salt and nicotine. It would be a drug if you had a say. It’s been so long, and you’re still addicted to him. Cronus loosens his arms and leans down close to you, his lips hovering just above yours. You push yourself up on your tippy toes and smash your lips together. Your arms come from your sides to his neck, and you couldn’t care less about the horrifying salt taste inhabiting your mouth at the moment. Chap stick can wait.  
      Cronus pulls away first, leaving the memory of his lips imprinted on yours. “I will love every goddamn heart break. I won’t treat your heart like a hospital room, to find healing in.” You slide your hands from the nape of his neck down to his chest. Leaving them there to feel his heart beat against your palm. “I will see it as a broken glass bottle, and every time I pick up a new piece my purple blood will start to flow. I will put your broken bottle heart back together again, and fill it with my purple blood to remind you I’ll always be there. I’m not sorry for loving you until I burst.”  
      His arms that had loosened to a to a slight loop around you let you free, and you reach for each others hands. You sit side by side in the white sand, watching the water lap over your toes. Your hands stay clasped together, like a solitary life raft in a never ending sea.  
      You close your eyes and picture the sand as you feel it. You picture his hands, and the cool water. You like to make a game out of how many descriptive terms you can use for one thing while still being accurate.  
      Sand- Coarse, Docile, Fine  
      Hands- Rough, Firm, Forgiving  
      Water- Ruthless, Hostile, Ferocious  
      Cronus is watching you. You can’t see him, but you can feel his eyes burning holes into the side of your face.  
      “If you’re about to ask Cronus, I’m alri-” You’re going to say alright. But your Trollian chirps and you reach into your pocket to retrieve your device. It’s from Porrim.  
_K-_  
 _Cronus told me not to tell you, but a couple weeks ago I caught him stashing away some pills. He had over a hundred, most of which I couldn’t identify. He said that if he couldn’t get you back he was going to prove we don’t live forever. I shouldn’t be telling you this. I wanted you to know._  
 _Love,_  
 _P_  
      You look at Cronus with teary eyed weariness, and maybe he senses something is wrong this time. His facial expression fades from neutral to concern in an instant.  
      “What happened?”  
      “Nothing… just… don’t ever leave me. Don’t leave me on this planet alone.” You lean over slightly, and press a kiss to his temple. “Without you, this world would have nothing left for me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This work is in no way complete yet, when it is complete you will read the words 'THE END'. Also, I will post updates when I can.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This work is in no way complete yet, when it is complete you will read the words 'THE END'. Also, I will post updates when I can.

      Honestly, the last month has drained you. Emotionally, at least. So you feel like this is necessary. At least to some extent. Cronus told you about a small island that isn't too far away from the coast and invited you on a vacation. You, believing it necessary, said yes. You’re sitting on his beach, waiting for him to show up with a boat to bring you out on. Your toes dip in and out of the sand, trying to satisfy your boredom.  
      A large brown object pulls up a few feet away from you, making the waves flutter toward the sand and glide around your ankles. You look over to it noting the oars on either side of the raft, and think ‘That cannot possibly be what he’s bringing me.’ Of course, Cronus hops out of the hollow of the raft with a huge smile on his face. You roll your eyes and smile back, as you push yourself out of the sand.  
      “You ready?” Cronus asks, practically jumping up and down with excitement.  
      “Yeah. Let’s go.” You say, walking over to the raft.

      When you arrive at the island, you aren’t surprised to find it vacant. The white sand seems untouched almost, and is pliant under your feet. You’ve always loved the ocean, knowing that this island could be especially yours made you giddy.  
      “I love it!” You exclaim, tossing your bag to the side. You look at him and grin from ear to ear. “Thank you.”  
      “I thought that you’d like it. I’m happy you like it.” Cronus shrugs and blushes, giving him an almost innocent look. You know he is anything but.

      You sit under the beach umbrella that has been stabbed into the sand. In the red swimming trunks Porrim made for you the same as your red sweater. Almost four sweeps ago. In fact, in just a few weeks it will be four sweeps exactly.  
      You roll over on your stomach, meandering through your mine field of thoughts. You close your eyes and open your senses, reaching for thoughts that might be hanging out near you.  
      _“Over the hill… Hive… Kankri… Home. Kankri… home. Kankri is my home.”_ Your eyelids flutter open, not even having to decipher who these thoughts belong to. You look over to where Cronus is building a sand castle a few feet away from you.  
      “What’s over the hill, I thought your Hive was underwater?” You ask nonchalantly.  
      “My Hive isn’t underwater, at least not all the way, but it’s not over there.” Cronus says, trying to force ignorance.  
      “Then what is over that hill?” You nod your head toward the hill across the island, although you know he can’t see you.  
      “... A surprise.” He says after a pause, he’s stopped building on his sand castle and has turned to looked up at you. “Do you want to see?”  
      “Sure.” You say without hesitation. You trust Cronus, there’s no reason why you shouldn’t. Cronus stands up and holds out his hand to you. You take his hand and pull yourself up, stumbling a bit when you get to your feet. You find Cronus’ hand at your back steadying you, and guiding you along the path.

      You reach the top of the hill, and Cronus wraps his arms around you. Perhaps trying to prevent you from running, or perhaps trying to prevent himself. Down the slope, surrounded by beautiful white sand, is a Hive.  
      “Surprise.” Cronus whispers in your ear.  
      “Wha… what’s this?” You stutter.  
      “Well, It was supposed to be a present for your upcoming wriggling day, but I guess I just couldn’t wait.” Cronus says, as he rests his chin on your shoulder.  
      “So it’s… a Hive?” You’re still a little confused, but you think you know what’s happening. At least somewhat.  
      “Well, yes. It’s our Hive. Our home. If you want it to be, that is.” Cronus says slowly, getting quieter at the end of his sentence.  
      “I… yes. I want to be with you, for however long you want me. We can work through our problems together. I want this for us.” You turn with Cronus’ arms still looped around you, and you see violet tears beginning to stream down his cheeks. You stand up on your tip toes, and wrap your arms around Cronus’ neck. You nuzzle your forehead into his neck, and you begin to whisper “It’s okay Cronus. I only want you. I only want to be with you. I love you, so much.” Cronus tightens his arms around you, and cluttered silence surrounds you. The sound of waves crashing on the shore of the beach, the sound of wind blowing , and the sound of Cronus breathing. It’s not really silence per say, and it’s not really meaningless. All of the sounds signify a new chapter in your life about to begin. All of these sounds mean your alive right now. You’re not going to waste anymore time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This work is in no way complete yet, when it is complete you will read the words 'THE END'. Also, I will post updates when I can.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This work is in no way complete yet, when it is complete you will read the words 'THE END'. Also, I will post updates when I can.

**_=== > YOUR NAME IS KANKRI VANTAS. YOU ARE AT YOUR FINAL RESTING PLACE._**  

      It’s been so many sweeps… you didn’t expect to live this long. 30 is more than you could have ever asked for. Cronus sits by your bed, he holds your hand tightly between his own. He knew this was coming as well as you did. Porrim stands at the end of your bed with Aranea. She is like the lusus you always had, but never really wanted. Aranea has become like kin to you, you two often had arguments as Cronus and Porrim would sit by listening. You are happy. You don’t know why you’re happy. You just know that you are. You close your eyes, and reach out to your friends.  
      _‘No no no no no no no no not yet. I’m not ready.’_ Cronus.  
    _‘It’s okay, Kankri. I’ll see you in a few hundred sweeps. I love you.’_ Porrim.  
      _‘I’ll miss our arguments. Until next time.’_ Aranea.  
      You smile one last time as you open your eyes, and you look over to Cronus.  
      “You don’t have to be ready Cronus. I’ll always be waiting.” You voice is weak, and you barely have enough strength to turn your head toward Porrim and Aranea. “In a few hundred sweeps Porrim. Don’t forget me.” You draw in a shaky breath, and close your eyes one last time. “Until next time Aranea. Logic will always win.” You let out a breath, but do not take another. Your body has ceased working, but you seem to be moving forward. In the distance you see a light, it’s so bright. You walk, then you run. You run as fast as you can, sweeps fall away from you and you revert back to your younger self.  
      You stand inside of this light, it feels warm against your skin. You step forward, and your feet sink into the ground. You recognize this texture. You walk forward again, toward the edge of the vast blue ocean. You’re standing on a beach. Cronus’ beach. You sit down and wait for him to come and take you home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This work is in no way complete yet, when it is complete you will read the words 'THE END'. Also, I will post updates when I can.


	14. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the final chapter of Sandy Tides. Thank you for sticking with it until the end.

      You’ve been sitting on this beautiful beach for such a long time. Porrim and Aranea have come and gone, they visit you often. They wonder why you won’t leave this beach, because they know wherever you are Cronus will find you.They make it sound less creepy though, like he’s a lovesick puppy stuck on your scent. You think maybe it’s got to do with what you said when you died. That you’d always be waiting for him. You sigh, and drop your hand into the sand. You draw what you can remember Cronus looks like. Lightning bolt horns, slicked back hair, and warm eyes. A smile that was always on his face when he was with you. You suck at drawing. You look down at the scribbles in the sand and brush your hand over them. You set your forehead on your knees and resign yourself to your memories.  
      “I see you still like that sweater.” Says a voice from behind you. The voice is warm, and it embraces you. You turn your head to the side and see who was speaking. You feel your chest contract, and you feel short of breath. “Hey, Kank. I missed you so much.” Cronus says. You clamor to your feet and run over to him. You pull him into a hug and he wraps his arms around you, squeezing you tight. You pull back, and cup your hands around his cheeks. You look into his milky white eyes, and he looks into yours.  
      “I love you so much, Cronus. I waited for so long.”  
      “I know. I’m so happy I get to see you again. I love you so much.” He pulls you back into a hug, and you cling your fingers to his shirt. “Are you ready to go?” Cronus asks when he finally pulls away.  
      “I’ve only been waiting for you. Let’s go.” You move yourself to his side and he clasps your hand to his.  
The beach you’ve been sitting on for so many sweeps has given you a trail. Just at the end you can see the Hive you shared with Cronus. You look to where he stands at your side, and you don’t think it’s right to call that Hive your home. Your home is standing right next to you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the end of Sandy Tides. Thank you for sticking with me until the end. It means so much to me.


End file.
